This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
