I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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