So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
