im six kinds of drunk right now
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
