carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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