Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
