The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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