New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
