I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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