two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
