Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
