Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
