i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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