So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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