I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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