I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
