I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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