Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
