how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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