this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize