First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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