is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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