I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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