all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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