I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
