I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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