I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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