Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
