So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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