all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
