thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
