I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
