i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
