Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
