I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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