we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i've created a new STD.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
