If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
