i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
