I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
