So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
