you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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