This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
