just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
