Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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