I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
