I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
