She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
