did you get engaged???
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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