I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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