Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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