no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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