Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
