I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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