Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
