Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
