its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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