Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
