uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
