I think I won the penis lottery.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize