I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
