Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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