dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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