i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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