Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
