I wish my penis had an off switch
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
