If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
