A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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