you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
