it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize