just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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