I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
