Too much gin, very little bucket
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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