i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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