You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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