i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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