Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
