Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
