I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
