Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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