he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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